Helen Flanagan's letter to a noisy neighbour is the most hilarious thing you'll read all day. We promise.

Helen Flanagan, bless her, is basically a constant source of entertainment. And her early morning rant at some of her noisy neighbours - who she's accused of "intimidating" her when they threatened to steal her princess doormat - is, quite possibly, the best thing we've read all day. All week. All YEAR.

Thankfully for us, Helen decided to have her rant on paper, grabbing a chunky felt-tip to scrawl the sort of passive-aggressive letter we used to see pinned on fridges during our university days. And we think the fact that her handwriting goes from sweet and rounded to SERIOUSLY ANGRY SCRAWL really impresses how stressed the former Coronation Street star was at the time of the incident.

It begins, obviously, with the line: "To, The people oppositte me" and, despite the spelling and grammatical mistakes littered throughout, it makes for an entertaining (and surprisingly eloquent) read.


I did not sleep a wink last night, you were so loud.
 
It's completely unacceptable. Your language and mens voices so loud are intimadating for a woman on her own trying to sleep.

There are other people living here apart from you - like ME.
I have reported you.

This happens again, I shall be ringing the police and I suggest you find a new home.
You have one chance... I hope this is not repeated.

I am furious.

It was intimidating and it was threatening when I heard your friend saying she wanted to steal my door mat,

I would like an apology.

Roses would be nice.

I like BLUE ROSES.

Good day.

Blue roses, no less.

By morning, it seems as if the Flanster had calmed down, as she admitted she'd slept on things and decided NOT to post the letter to her noisy neighbours. Instead, she posted the four-page scrawl to her Instagram, where e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e could read it.

"I actually wrote this this morning no sleep at all so have gone completely mental I won't give it them tho but it made me feel better i was half serious half banter x"

To be fair to Helen, you can see why she got upset; after all, after tweeting she was home alone in June, her 2.2 million mansion in Prestbury, Cheshire was targeted by armed burglars, leaving her locked in a utility closet and fearing for her life.

And, while these guys only "threatened" to steal her princess doormat, we imagine the comment stung the burgled soapstar bigtime.