Simon Cowell has said this week that he enjoys great “sexual chemistry” with pregnant partner Lauren Silverman, and let’s just take a moment to all close our eyes and imagine Simon Cowell’s naked body – red raw with tan, like his face – just rutting boxily away.
Just grunting with delight.
The 54-year-old made the shudder-worthy comments during this week’s live X Factor USA show, when Florida-based boyfriend-girlfriend duo Alex and Sierra performed a mellow, stripped-back version of Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines.
Fellow judge and Tulisa nemesis Kelly Rowland said the performance needed more “sex appeal”, which Cowell vigorously denied – before going all misty-eyed and weird and talking about doin’ it.
“Absolute rubbish,” he said, Cowelly. “I can feel their sexual chemistry from here.” Like a warm, weak heat.
“So much sexual chemistry,” he continued. “And I have that in my life as well.”
Just revisit that mental image of Simon Cowell pulling his underwear down with a single thrust before telling you you’re about to ‘get it’.
Simon is expecting his first on-the-record baby with Lauren Silverman early next year, and revealed that he has nicknamed the baby boy ‘Tad’ – as in tadpole.
“The first time I saw it, I called him ‘Tad’ because he looks like a tadpole,” he told Access Hollywood. “I still want to call him Tad. I never wanted kids before. Now I’m completely the opposite.” Simon Cowell is rubbing exotic oils into your back. Simon Cowell is nibbling your ear. Simon Cowell wants to go again already.
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